Fill In The Blank …

Scared to be yourself?

I was scared to be myself for the many years I attended the institutional church.  Each Sunday as my family got ready in the mornings to go to “church”, I had to put more than my “church” clothes on.  I had to put on my “be a good Christian” outfit.  This outfit is an invisible facade that shows me as a “my life is absolutely perfect”.

This outfit appalled me.

I hated not acting as myself.  If I acted as the facade, people would like me and give me the time of day.  They would show me the so-called “love” I yearned for in community.  Well, this is where my bullshit allergies finally started to kick in after many years.  Once I started being myself and started to ask the tough questions and not acting just like the little bubble I lived in … things changed (I changed).  I was looked at as a heretic, a trouble maker, or a shit-stirrer… I felt no welcomed.

Just because I did not follow what the “church” thought was perfect doctrine, I turned into someone they felt the need to reel back in the boat and “fix”.  I guess I was broken if I thought certain ways.

It was a weird phenomenon.  For example.  I loved them for wanting to worship in a church setting with an elder board.  I do not know what is correct doctrine on that particular subject (any there are a plethora of other subjects), but when I was against an elder board elevated above the people, as a rule maker, they soon let me know that I was incorrect, and I should follow their belief statements on this.  To me this does not matter.  It is the unconditional love of Christ that matters.

This got me thinking of other group relationships I had growing up outside the man-made “system”.  I am sure many of you have had the same experiences before.

So, let’s fill in the blank…

I have never met a more loving community in my life than the _______ community.

I know many of you can fill this in, and if you write in an institutional local church community, that is ok too.  I am not saying that being in that community is wrong.  I know people can find relationships with others in the system called “church”.  However, I do feel the urge to point out a lot of the crap that goes on inside so people can ask themselves why they do what they do.  I am just a person that has seen much more harm to the Body of Christ than good inside those walls.

I know there are exceptions, but ask yourself, in the community you wrote in the blank, do you find that people do not care if you are skinny, hairy, fat, pimpled, dead broke, rich, smell, say bullshit now and then, drink a Mojito (these are yummy by the way), play poker, gay, straight, bald, old earth, young earth, elder board, no elder board .. you get my point… do they see you as yourself and do not care of your quirks?

All the group in your filled blank wants to do is give the same love to others as they want to receive for themselves.  When we all act like our messed up selves, I feel Christ can be seen by all.

So what is your filled blank?

 

“Us”conditional Love

Jesus commands us to love, not love if this, or if that.

There is not a local church on the planet that would put a claim against the practice of “unconditional love”.  Well, many churches do not practice what they preach, and my allergies get super bad as I hear the BS being spouted from the pulpit of so many local churches.  Too often, for one reason or another, love is conditioned on rule keeping, service to the institutional church or some other whacked-out bullshit qualification.  

When any conditions are placed on love, it is not the love described by Jesus.  It is not Jesus at all.  The churches that act with conditions have a problem and it is called a Jesus deficit disorder.  They do not focus on Christ in community with one another, and when the focus drops from Christ, the conditions arise.

The way I have come to learn the type of love found within many institutional church settings is what I would call “us”conditional love, not “un”conditional love.  In other words, unless you are a part of the “us” in the local country club setting, you are not going to be welcomed to the party. 

“Us”conditional love must be avoided at all costs because it sends the message to people that they have no value (or are not right with God) unless they are complying with the demands, the rules, or the “what we believe” statements the local church rulers pulled out of their ass.  People who attend this type of church setting may be loved for a while, but that investment of love better pay off in the desired response or it will not continue.  From my experience, and many others I have talked to, I can almost guarantee this scenario happening … which is really, really sad.

A consequence of this categorical “us” system is extreme prejudice.  No, you do not get zapped with this internal disease quickly.  It actually happens rather slowly over time like a deadly poison drip.  It infects the inner-prejudice in all of us until we are absolutely paranoid of becoming like one of “them” outside the walls.  We begin to have great contempt for those who fall into the sub-category of sinner.  What is implied is “yeah, we are sinner’s too, but not like that sinner over there”, and soon people start to despise anyone who just falls. 

Here is the eye-opener.  The fallen include your cranky ass neighbor, your homosexual friend, your drunk uncle, your atheist cousin, your crazy parents, your lazy kids, or the BO ridden homeless person, and you know what.. it includes you too

Drop the conditions already!

 

Welcome to My “Christian” Blog…

Let me say first off … the word “Christian” was never intended to be used as an adjective… so, STOP using it already! 

For the life of me I cannot understand why so many people continue to use the word “Christian” in the form of an adjective.

We have “Christian” bookstores, we have “Christian” music, and we have “Christian” businesses.

One of the biggest piles of BS that floats around is the “Christian” business directory.  The new one for the Louisville area is due out soon.  I guess you can advertise in it if you are a “Christian” business owner.  What does that mean?  Should we only do business with so-called “Christian” businesses? 

Wow, if that is not divisive, I do not know what is.

It is basically forming an us versus them mentality.  The way this could be seen is that if a Jew owns a business, you would not want to buy anything from them because they could rob you blind, or if an atheist makes great doughnuts you could go to hell for eating a cream-filled. 

Gimme a break.

One example in the directory last year is a “Christian” home repair company with a big cross as their symbol.  So, their company logo is a form of execution?  That is scary .  Does this mean they only repair the homes of Christ followers, or that the houses themselves have made a faith decision for Christ?

When it is all said and done, a Christian who runs a home repair business is not more qualified because of his faith, but in his experience, and training.  I would hope they would have good business ethics, but it definitely does not mean they are supernatural to drive nails straighter, or get painting done in less time.

The one that has been bugging me lately is when people talk about a “Christian” education.  What in the world does that mean?  Our family homeschools, and yes we like the flexibility of teaching our kids what we want, when we want, but I would not say we do it to give our kids a “Christian” education.  Yes, we teach about Christ and live a life of loving one another.

Too often we think we can take this type of lifestyle, and that kind of activity, mix it up with our own personal preferences, and then add a little bit of “Christian” to it and feel good that our lives are conforming to the Gospel.  Well that’s horse puckey.  We assemble “nouns” and “verbs” of our own liking, and then add the “Christian” adjective… hogwash.

I really do not think this is how it works, and I could be wrong, so please help me out to understand this subject.  

Here is the way I see it…

… The Gospel is not an adjective that modifies our groups of nouns and verbs, our possessions and actions.  Rather, The Gospel comes as a set of “verbs” (of actions, an entire life with Christ, care for the marginalized, love for one another) which form us into a set of “nouns” (children of God, the body of Christ, a temple of the Holy Spirit).

What do you think?  

By the way, I hope you are enjoying my “Christian” blog

 

Another Building Rant …

Over the past couple millennia many Christians have put places over people.  In the average local church here in the West much more money and time is spent on their buildings than they spend on people outside the walls (helping the hungry, clothing the naked, caring for the sick, or helping the homeless) 

Building needs have been placed above people needs, which has royally, or should I say morally messed up many people’s priorities.  Even if many churches claim to put people first, their actions (in my experience) have spoken a very different message.  I remember going through a capital campaign about 10 years ago where the church needed to raise 30 million dollars.  What was the 30 million bucks for?  The millions were for more buildings, parking, and offices.  They were “making room for more”.  I remember the celebrations (which I was a part of at the time), where all the top financial gurus around said it was impossible to raise that kind of money in our demographic.  Well, the church actually raised 35 million bucks!  Impossible.. not with God, right?  You know it was God’s hand that made the goal blast past the 30 million…right?  Or, was it the best church marketing plan ever?  I now feel like it was the latter.  Looking back at the money spent just to raise that much money is sickening to my stomach. 

The “church” said … God is blessing us!  Yeah right, the only blessing you were getting was your own self-indulgence.  More programs, better grounds, coffee shops, bookstores, activity centers, concert halls, ect…

I know you can see this scenario two different ways.  There is a bigger, better, more beautiful building to come “worship” in (whatever the heck “worship” means these days).  Or, you can see a shit-load of money and time being wasted on bricks and mortar and non-essentials.  I do not know the right answer, and at the time I was all for it, but now it actually makes me so ill feeling inside when I think about it.  I actually despise putting money into a unbiblical man-made system.  We need to put time and money into each other and actually build a real community and not a false sense of one.

The churchgoer’s response was rather typical, “If we have a bigger building, we can save more people and in turn raise more money to help the poor.”  Well, I can find many things in that sentence that could wave the red theological bullshit flag, but I will keep focused on the building.   

I have not been back to the church I used to attend in a couple of years, but I know they are still paying a ton of interest on loans over and above the 35 million raised, because they spent way more than what was raised since then, which in turn probably increased the involvement with the poor and needy as more people came to add their tithe to the program.  But, at the same time the upkeep on the campus has likely increased exponentially too (but no one talks about that).  So in the end, the building wins, the people (outside the walls) get the shaft.

The BS I have noticed over the years, and I find it absolutely insane, that in hard times the church cuts back on helping others, and focuses on their building (because they see this human made structure as a “sacred” place, or a “saving” place).  A “saving” place? … well, that is another whole topic to tackle another time.

Well the way I see sacred places within scripture were as shadows, and they were usually cast by the reality of Christ.  Sort of the 1^st tier versus the 2^nd tier kind of thinking I wrote about a few posts ago.

The 1^st tier is Christ, and the second tier is to have a building as “sacred” ground.  The unfortunate part is many people have made the church building a 1^st tier priority.

These sacred “sanctuaries” culminated in Christ and not in brick and mortar structures constructed by churchgoers.  So I feel this makes a “church” building just a regular space.  There is no “sanctuary” in it.  All the stained glass, crosses, candles, or gold in the world cannot transform that regular space into a wonderful “sacred” space.  

Sacred spaces, all along through scripture, were pointing to Christ, not to church buildings.

 

My Two Cents – Blue Like Jazz

Opening night in Louisville for Blue Like Jazz (7:10 show) was sparse with spectators.  I would estimate about 30 people in the theater.  For prime time opening night I was expecting a few more patrons than that.  However, I live in an area where it is hard to find people who challenge the “church” system and the status quo, so any “churchgoer” living around the Metro area would likely walk out after the first 10 minutes of the film (if they even knew it existed), so having only 30 people does not surprise me.

Actually anyone coming into this show thinking it is a so-called “Christian” movie like “Fireproof” or “Courageous” would be extremely disappointed, and probably would have left before the movie even started due to some racy previews as 3 or 4 of them were rated R with kissing lesbians, and sex on-screen.  (And we all know it is a sin to see a rated R movie, right? )

Director Steve Taylor did not pigeonhole this flick as a “Christian” as an adjective movie.   Blue Like Jazz does not at all feel like a “Christian” movie.  But, although I found the movie itself mediocre at best, a tad hard to follow, and difficult to decipher what was going on in Donald’s mind, I do think it is a movie for Christians to see.  Unfortunately, many “fundies” would not even give this movie a chance, so I see a lot of “preaching to the choir” going on with the one.

The positive thing for this movie is you come out asking a bunch of questions on a plethora of subjects.  I think we might all see echoes of our own stumbling journeys: our insecurities, our hypocrisies, our pain.  We might even feel a little convicted, but the movie only hints at answers.  Which is good, because do we really have all the right answers?  If the movie told me exactly what the answer was on these subjects I would have vomited right there on site.

The movie exposes a lot of the bullshit underneath the umbrella of any denominational dogma, which I liked because this exposure of bullshit is exactly what my blog is about.  Mr.Miller is another person allergic to BS, and he went to Reed College to try an escape it (to only find it in different form).  Remember, it is not about the people inside the system, it is about the bullshit the system dumps into our heads forcefully.

This movie definitely doesn’t present a “plan of salvation”, and it does not march a bunch of foot soldiers (wearing the armor of God) to the cadence of specific doctrine.  Instead what I took away from it was that it let people see the little streaks of light (Christ) poking through the misdirection of a college student that was trying so hard to get as far away from God as possible.  God never leaves, and you cannot escape Him.. he is everywhere.  He is even at the so-called “God-less” liberal arts colleges.

Donald Miller has a different story than mine for leaving the religion, or for me the institutional church.  He was hurt from people he trusted within the church, and hypocrisy sent him packing.  For me, I was never directly hurt by anyone within the church, just after time of trying to find Christ in community I started to see the bullshit in the system through my allergic watery eyes.  Yes, I was saddened when I left the church and no one called or even gave a shit (even though I let everyone know I was not leaving them).  However, I was not surprised when no one cared that I did not attend anymore, because I knew I was living in a false sense of community.  I was living in fake, no heart only surface world, and I would have been completely blown off my rocker if the people I knew for years wanted to actually keep me in their lives even though I was not in the system they so treasured and worshipped.

Unfortunately many of the people sitting in the seats of this film are pretty much already on the same page as Donald Miller, so to have this film bring out good discussion among all Christ followers I see as non-existent.

Anyone else see this movie?  What were your thoughts?

 

I Gots A Date Tonight…

My wife and I are going to see Blue Like Jazz tonight here in Louisville.

I hope to have a review on the movie, Allergic to BS style   …  stay tuned.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1758575/

 

 

 

What Happens In Vagueness, Stays In Vagueness

I chat a bunch online in blogs and on Facebook about “church” and the institution it has become.  But, nothing encourages me more than the number of people I run into online who are refugees of the institutional church, and they keep telling me they have nowhere to go.    

Let me define “have nowhere to go”.  I talk a lot on this blog about me and others walking in a post-institutional wilderness, so when I say they have nowhere to go, I think it is more about not “knowing” where to go.  I have learned over time that this is a good thing.  

Just like myself, and many others, I still feel a strong passionate desire to “belong” somewhere with someone, but simply do not see any possibilities out in the so-called wilderness.  What happened to me, and I am sure many others out there, is the established institutional church system passed itself off as the only “God-approved” vehicle for fulfilling our religious and spiritual obligations, and without it, many people remain in a state of spiritual limbo. 

Spiritual limbo to me is knowing what I will never return to, but am unable, or find it relatively difficult, to find anything to replace it.

This state of spiritual limbo can be called in simpler terms ”ambiguity”.  

This state of ambiguity is so repulsive to the institutional church.  When I was at my wit’s end, and in the last gasps of living in a naive state that had me suckered into believing that a community of institutional christians would actually WANT to remove itself out of the ”futileness” of a church system, I concluded that the overall corporate sense of ambiguity that began to emerge in the church I attended was actually the best thing that could possibly happen to me.  The church was getting large and was heading into a state of vagueness, which for me was my wake-up call.  

To this day, it was my conviction, that it is only in this state of vagueness, by not having all the answers, not demanding safety and security, and not relying on a religious hierarchy to define reality, that true and miraculous spirituality is possible. 

When I was told that “ambiguity” had to be nixed from my vocabulary because “ambiguity” did not represent the secret religious code, or the final rule of the institution (i.e. the money, the structure, and everybody’s thinking process must be in line as a “what we believe” consensus), that was the stepping stone I needed to get outside of the so-called “fantasy” world I was partaking in.

The “fantasy” is that the “church” is the building, the leadership, the liturgy, the buildings and services; the Sunday school programs, the doctrinal statements and structured hierarchy.  

Of course the church is none of these things. 

See you in Vagueness!

 

Agree to Disagree

People are asking me to explain myself when I say ”agree to disagree”.

I used to take one verse, cherry pick it, turn it into a club and beat the piss out of someone for not seeing what I see in the verse.  You know.. the correct way of interpreting it and then using it as a rule to leave by.

Well, those days are long gone.  I have learned that I am allergic to all that type of bullshit out there with denominations breaking up for stupid reasons.

Well, let me try to explain my stance and how I see things, which in itself is debatable and not “THE” way of seeing things… (insert diabolical laugh here)

In a nut shell, “theological” issues can be broken down into three different levels, or “tiers”.  So, I see three tiers of doctrine.  Let’s call them…

Tier 1 – Primary Realism

Tier 2 – Subsequent Realism

Tier 3 – Remaining Realism

In the primary realism tier, this stage is the one I would define as “doctrine” that is absolutely essential for one to be recognized as part of the Body of Christ.  These beliefs are essential to be defined as a Christian.  One who has a ticket to the Great Banquet.  This stage has a very limited list.  It consists of… Christ died.  Christ rose.  Christ just IS.  He is the magnet that holds everything in the universe together.

How he rose, how he died, how he was born, and many of the other doctrines bring us to the tier 2, or what I call subsequent realism.

The second tier “doctrines” are key in bringing the Body of Christ together in gatherings (but I feel do not define who Christ actually IS or what “Christianity” is about.  This level is a tad more complex to explain.  This level is the doctrinal level that slices apart the Body in many, many ways.  But this is the main level where I feel Christians should have respectful disagreements over the differences.  This level includes items that are talked about in scripture.  Such things as tithing, church structure, modes of baptism, or even the meaning of baptism.

Let’s look at an example about baptism?  The bible speaks of baptism in many ways.  So, Baptists, for example, do not have to try and “save” their Presbyterian brothers and sisters or tell them they are not “true” or “real” Christians just because they believe in infant baptism.  Again, we should have respectful disagreements over these differences as Christians.  

The third tier, or the remaining “doctrines” are topics that are up for discussion, but in no way should threaten the fellowship among the gatherers.  To me this is areas of old earth/young earth, or eschatology views, or areas of Calvinism versus Arminianism.  

They way I see this final level would be like Christ himself showing up on Facebook and saying you have 2 choices, hit “like” if you favor Calvinism or hit “like” if you favor Arminianism.  After everyone picks what they “like” they all gather together.  I can see Christ showing up and saying “all the Calvinists stand over here”, and “all the Arminians stand over there”.  Then with Christ standing in the middle of the two groups getting ready to launch the verdict of who is correct, I think Christ would point to both groups at the same time and say “You are both right”.   

In other words.  The answer is standing in the middle.  No matter where you fall on the spectrum.. Christ is the answer.

(Of course, I might be wrong too on my theory of the three tiers, it is all up for discussion, and in realism no one really knows the truth except Christ who IS truth)

This is what I mean when I say we all need to “agree to disagree” on all these issues and put Christ as the Head of the Body.

 

The Great “Commission” Based Job

Not everyone is suited for every job.

Let me give you an example.  There is no way in the world I could ever be a restaurant server or waiter.  I am pretty certain that when presented with a huge tray of food to carry from the kitchen to the table that it would be dropped somewhere along the way.  Plus, I am not the best at working with the general public, and would likely lose my temper and cram food in a patron’s face if provoked.  And, my short-term memory is not all that great, and I would struggle to remember who gets what or I would forget to get ”stuff” people ask for because I am running around like a chicken with its head cut off.  In other words, I would not make much money in tips.

I just do not see my talent in a commission-based job.  Yet, plenty of people do.  They have got great personalities, great customer service skills, and the awesome patience of multiple saints.  So, if a person (like me) does not have that magical formula of skills and personality, they are not likely to go into a commission-based position.

(Just so you know, I tip really well when I go out to restaurants, because in my eyes that is one tough job and I know they work on commission to make any real money.)

Well if you do have the skills for a “commission” based job, additional compensation is likely to happen.

With commissions based on sales, the more you sell the more you make.  If you want to make a great salary and are good at sales I would become a pastor.

A pastor will get their salary based off the 10% of revenue coming in from the church they lead.  The bigger the church, the bigger the pay.  Maybe this is why God called in the GREAT commission… (just a joke)

There are a bunch of other commission based positions that do not bring in as much money on a percentage basis then what a pastor could eventually make.  A realtor typically brings in around 3% to the company they work for unless they get both sides of the deal and then it goes to 6%.  A server in a restaurant will likely get 15% to 20% but has to share that with the other workers, and I do not know what car dealers make, but I am sure it is not 10% of the revenue from all the patrons.

What a great deal.. build “your” church as big as you can get it, and make as much money as you can.  Sounds awesome… unfortunately I do not have these qualities for a commission based job, so I guess I will just “pastor” others for free. 

(Disclaimer:  This post was just an act in sarcasm, with a hint of “smartassesness”… but it should make you think a little bit about the subject of paid pastors.  I am in no way judging the morals and the motives of pastors that get paid for what they do.  I do not know their hearts.  I might disagree that there should not even be those positions at all, but it is exactly that, an opinion)

 

I Was a Mental Masturbator

Shon over at Following Jesus Sucks had a comment from this post that sparked an oldie but goodie from my blog, so I thought I would repost it to gather some comments about it.

By the way, if you have time, read Shon’s story  about his dad.  It is quite engaging.

Speaking of engaging… here is the repost…

I have been thinking about the word “engage” from my previous posts.  It got me thinking about what I was “engaging” in the decade I was attending the institutional church.  After thinking it over… all I was doing was engaging myself.  For most of the years I was a mental masturbator.  I found myself engaging in useless, yet intellectually stimulating conversation, usually as an excuse to avoid taking constructive action in my life.

I was basically attending the First Church of Mental Masturbation.  I was there to pleasure myself, to gain more and more knowledge as an individual.  I was there to debate doctrine, and to be a master of it.  I feel the “church” has become a place for people to have their “needs met”.  They are there to stimulate themselves by enjoying what the pastor has to say and/or how the program is ran having a ”what can they do for me” attitude.

Mental masturbation gives no pleasure to anyone else.  However, I believe we exist to give blessings to others “outside” the walls of the church building.  We are to help the sick, the poor, and the marginalized.

How could I get out and help others if I am too busy inside mass-debating a bunch of doctrines that I will never have the correct answer to.  Well, this was one of the reasons I left the institution of “church”, I was tired of pleasuring myself.

I realized that excessive mental masturbation was starting  to feel like demon possession (it sure was fun to do, but not helping anyone).  As long as I was gaining knowledge by myself and staying busy mentally, I would not be able to help grow the Kingdom, exactly what evil would want me to do.

Mental masturbation wastes resources.  It takes two to reproduce, and if you just keep wasting time by yourself your resources will not be put to good use.

Let’s move to action together to help one another and stop pleasuring ourselves.